runners

/ the static gives birth to motion 

/ the motion results in intangible love 

/ the love gives you something to run towards or away from.

im a runner. 

i run towards love. 

no matter how many times i think ive found it or lost it.

i cant run away from it.

im not programmed that way.

im programmed to love. 

give love. receive love.

for better or for worse.

i will always find something to live for regardless of how many times circumstance or fate tears me down.

perhaps this will be the undoing 

but there is no other way to live this life, you see. 

i carry many swords, 

but most of all a sword of catharsis, 

for it is rarer than i was even told it was

i brew my potions of transformation and hide my wand of stories inside a technicolour cloak of palpable melancholy and anxiety

so i can heal these tested wings 

every night 

in my cave

one must live in a cave 

when they live with a mind that battles and turns inward, 

when you can turn into a werewolf with no full moon in sight.

no one can see the blood spilt because its inside my fucking head 

so they dont know how to care 

since they cant feel the gravity of the disease at play

they dont see the smoke signals

they see an angry face, ugly and twisted, hurling words of desperation, 

which makes others run away or shield themselves

leaving more wounds instead of blankets

and then i find myself 

lost with all the other lost ones, 

out there in the ether, 

playing with spirits

so as to heal in solitude, 

bitten lips, alone in the bathroom, curled toes

its not attractive but fuck you

fuck judgement 

being human is ugly when its real

so even if no one loves the way i'd love them if they were lost

what i do know -

is that have the capacity to do so 

when so many dont

and theres something glorious about that.

thats why they always come back

when i am long gone

when its too late.

because they know

i will always face another day, because 

im a runner.

i run towards fucking love,

and it makes me strong

everyone wants someone strong

i beg you to pick love

especially when its ugly,

and leave only blankets,

when you see a fire.